Forbidden And Wanted
by CarlislesLover
Summary: Carlisle is always at the hospital and Esme is getting restless..would she find a lover in Edward?
1. Chapter 1: Forbidden

_**Chapter 1: Forbidden**_

I had always loved Carlisle. He was was the one that made me the way I was. But lately, he was at the hospital way too much. I really needed my husband to be around. He never was. It was kind of a let down when I saw him walk through the door because I knew he would just run upstairs to his study and read or work on work. When would we be able to have some fun? Like going hunting together or even chasing each other around the forest. I loved to spend time with him, no matter what we were doing.

I craved to have him touch me. I can't even remember the last time I paths crossed that we had a moment with each other. And when we did get a chance all the kids would be over and we wouldn't be able to get in a word edge-wise to each other. I love all my children very much. And without them right now I would even be more lonely. Having them come to visit me and cook with me at least made the days go faster. I know I was always on the couch lately watching TV, I think I caught up with every show that was in my DVR.

Of all the kids I loved Edward the most. He had been with us since I had changed and was not only a dear friend but a true member of the family. He used to spend a lot of time with me before he met Bella. He would play the piano for me and we would even go for walks. Time spent with Edward was quality time to me.

I often wondered why I didn't fall in love with Edward instead. I know that Edward was upset that Carlisle changed me but soon he learned to love me. I charmed Edward by being so nice to him. It was too bad that I couldn't cook for him back then. I am sure that he would have loved me for it.

But it was Carlisle that I feel deeply in love with. The one that I felt everything for. But these days I was second guessing myself. And what is a vampire to do when they feel frustrated in a marriage they are stuck in forever?

Edward recently had bought the family a stable with horses. I loved spending time down there with my Arabian horse named Molly. I would brush her and ride her, and one of my favorite things was to challenge Edward to racing. There was nothing like watching two horses and that man being powerful.

I got up from the couch where there was nothing but a commercials on and headed to the stables. Maybe I would get lucky and catch Edward there. It was rainy and overcast in Forks today. It was my favorite racing weather. I loved just riding in the rain. And when there were other people racing with me it was heaven.

When I got to the door of the stables I could hear someone softly singing...it was Edward's voice. I was so glad he was down here too.


	2. Chapter 2: The Stables

_**Chapter: 2 The Stables**_

I listened to Edward singing. I wondered if anyone was with him. I leaned up with my back against the door and let his voice filter into my ear. There was just something about his singing that made me want to hear more. I could never get enough of that velvety voice of his.

There would have to be an easier way to know if he was alone in the stable. There was no other way to hide from him because I'm sure he could already read my mind now. Edward was always good at reading minds and I would have to watch my thoughts around him. Clearing my head I slid the barn door and walked in.

Edward turned around from brushing his horse, Skye, and said, "Hi Esme, you are looking lovely today."

"Hi, Edward. What are you up to today?"

"I was just brushing Skye, I think we were going to go out for a ride." Edward said with a smile. "What were you up to?"

"I wasn't sure. Carlisle isn't at home again so I was looking for something to do. I thought maybe I would do some running with Triumph. I wanted to just get some stress out."

"Esme, stressed? I don't know how that could happen." Edward said raising an eyebrow.

"I know, I shouldn't be. I have everything I could ever want. I have an amazing husband, wonderful children, I just don't know how I could be unhappy but I am." I said looking him in the eyes.

Edward came up to me and brought me into a tight hug. He always had the best hugs. If anyone was upset all they needed was a hug from Edward to feel better. I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him back. He kissed me on the top of the head and then pulled away.

"Did you want to go for a run with me? I know that Skye and Triumph get along good, they might like the challenge to race each other." Edward suggested.

"I would like that. I know that sometimes it gets boring out on the track by myself." I said.

I ran off to get Triumph ready. There was no way that I could think what I really wanted to think right now so I quickly got the saddle on the horse. I jumped up on the horse and rode him out to the track. I hoped that Edward couldn't hear what I was thinking out here because I couldn't think of anything else but the way that he held me. It had been so long since I got a chance alone with Carlisle. And when I did it seemed that Carlisle was always thinking of something else.

Carlisle lived as doctor. They never seemed to question his 48 hour shifts when he would never take off more than 2 hours in that whole 48 hours. Once you got him going, he would not stop until he was done.

I loved that Carlisle was loyal. I was sure that there were many girls that were after him, but really all he could think of was about work. I know that was one of the things that drew me to him. Loyalty is a hard thing to find and I know he doted on me. He did everything for me. But right now that wasn't good enough. There were other needs I had. I had wondered how I would satisfy them?


	3. Chapter 3: Racing

_**Chapter Three: Racing**_

I saw Edward bring Skye over to the track with grace. I don't think there was anything that Edward did that didn't look amazing. I knew why all the girls would fall over themselves for him. The horse and Edward moved as one. Every stride and rhythm were in sync.

There was something about horseback riding that I felt erotic. I loved bareback riding the most. I have done it more than once. Feeling the the power of the horse underneath you right against your skin. The muscles as they move under your legs. I has made me feel turned on more than once. I know I had always wanted to take Carlisle out and go for a bareback ride with him. I was sure I knew where that would end up. Naked on the horse having sex. But things were never that easy these days.

Edward made sure that I stayed in sync with me. He even let me race ahead of him. I knew that when we finished racing him I would be able to tease the heck out of him for winning.

"Edward, I think I need to slow down for a moment." I said yelling back to him.

I slowly stopped my horse by pulling back the reigns. Triumph didn't want to have any of it and wanted to keep racing. She whined and tried to tell me no, but I stayed firm and stopped her.

"Esme, what's wrong?" Edward said to me when he finally came next me.

I started talking to him with a grin saying, "Nothing is wrong, I just had to make sure I took the time to gloat about winning."

"Oh Esme, you are a riot. You know that I let you win right?" Edward said to me with a wink.

"Really? I thought it was just the sheer power of my horse that won the race," I said with a giggle.

Edward laughed along with me.

Edward and I always got along. And I knew that inside my heart he was my favorite. I would never tell the other kids that because I didn't want them to be jealous. Besides I had known Edward longer than anyone else besides Carlisle.

My mind fleeting to Carlisle again wondering what he was doing right at this moment. I missed him terribly and I didn't know how much longer I could handle this loneliness.

My eyes dropped down as I suddenly stopped laughing. Maybe this was the wrong thing to be doing, being at the stables alone with Edward. I should be at the house cleaning up or doing Rosalie's laundry for her. Keeping my mind and self busy.

"Esme, I know it's lonely. But you will get through this." Edward said putting his arm around me.

"I know, it's just sometimes really hard to handle, when I want to be laughing with him," I said as I put my head on his shoulder.

"You know he loves you. He is just occupied at the hospital. Carlisle has always been like that. And you know that you are his only girl, right?" Edward said pulling me closer to him.

"I know I am. I feel so selfish for thinking of myself. I really should just worry about the house or the stables or take up a new hobby or something."

Edward started to laugh and said, "I know you are just dying to do Rosalie's laundry. That's obvious to me without reading your mind."

I put my arms around him for a quick hug and then grabbed Triumph's reigns and led her back to the stables. Yelling behind me I said, "Edward, I expect a rematch in a day. You better be here. If you don't show up I win by default."

Edward smiled big, "You know, we are so on!"


	4. Chapter 4: Wanted

_**Chapter 4: Forbidden**_

I was sitting in my room on my bed. Everyone knew there was only one reason why a vampire would need to use a bed since we never slept. I know our bed used to get a lot of action but now mostly I would lay in it to read or to think about the times that used to be. Grabbing the comforter in my hand and bringing it up to my nose I could smell the scent of my Carlisle and the faint smell of sex.

Memories started coming back to me in flashes, the way that he held my hair in his hands while pressing his lips to mine, the way that his back would arch at that moment of entry, the way that he would look up at me while he was pleasuring me. I missed all those things. And now they didn't come to me at all anymore.

I wondered what it would take for Carlisle to realize that I needed him?

My thoughts drifted to my racing time with Edward. I loved being outside with him and making him laugh. I know that he is very competitive and I wanted to take advantage of that. But since he keeps reading my mind I have to make sure that anything I truly think I think when I am alone. Like how powerful he really is...he could crush anyone with one hand. I couldn't even imagine what it would be like to be at the other end of that hand. And his voice...he could talk an Eskimo into buying ice by just talking to them the way he talks to his family. There's no way that I should be thinking these things since he is practically my son.

He took the place of the son that I lost before I was turned. I don't think I could ever be more grateful to him for letting me take care of him like the son I never had anymore.

I heard a soft knocking on the bedroom door and I couldn't imagine who it could be. I knew it was probably one of the kids since they always were hanging around the house, watching our TV. I didn't mind that they were around. I actually preferred it because otherwise I felt so alone.

I softly called out for the person on the other side of the door to come in. As I watched the door opening slowly I saw that hair that recognized so well. It was Edward. He had never been in my room before so I jolted straight up.

"Edward" I squeaked. "What brings you up here?"

"I was just thinking about you Esme. I'm so worried that you are getting stuck in this funk and won't get out of it." Edward said with the uttermost caring in his voice. "Is there anything I can do to help you feel better...at all?"

Flashes went through my mind again, but this time it was with Edward. Him kissing me on the lips, him holding me close, him touching me in ways that I never thought. I tried to get those thoughts out of my head before he caught on.

Edward came close to me and put some stray strands of hair behind my ear. "Esme, you can trust me. I won't hurt you."

He gently laid me on the bed and laid on top of me. I wasn't so sure of what to think. It felt so good to have a man so close to me again but on the other hand I couldn't think of Edward like this. He kissed me on the lips then whispered in my ear, "Relax, it's okay. I want this too."

I tried to relax but all I could do was lay there and try to forget who Edward really was to me. It wasn't as easy as I thought it would be. After one more long kiss I decided I couldn't go on with it.

I wriggled my way out of his embrace and stood up. "I don't think this is going to work Edward. I know you were trying to cheer me up but it's not working at all. This is just wrong!," I said to him, "Please, I can't do this right now." Edward turned his back to me and left closing the door behind him.

I pressed my fingers to my lips where the ghost of Edward's lips were. It was an amazing feeling and I couldn't wait until he tried to kiss me again.


	5. Chapter 5: The Rematch

_**Chapter 5: The Rematch**_

I knew that I would see Edward at the stables the next day. After all we had our rematch. I just didn't know how I would react to seeing him again. I had thought of nothing else since he left my room yesterday. My lips weren't going to forget anytime soon either. I kept drawing my fingers around my lips thinking of how that one kiss changed me. That night when Carlisle came back from work I didn't even come out of my room. He just came into the bedroom, kissed the top of my head and went off to this library to do his work. I wasn't sure why he just didn't stay at the office he had at the hospital. It hurt me too much to know that he was at home and in front of me but I couldn't go near him because he was too busy. And now with Edward kissing me it changed things for everyone.

I quickly got ready that morning and I wanted to make sure I was at the stables first this time. I didn't have to wait to long for Edward to join me there too. I started to shake at the anticipation of him seeing me there. I tried to keep my composure by brushing Triumph and singing to her softly. I didn't know the words of the song I was singing and I didn't care as long as it looked like I wasn't letting him affect me.

But of course, Edward knows all and as soon as he had heard that I was in the stables he bounded over to me.

"Esme, how are you this morning?" Edward said cautiously.

"I am just fine. How are you?" I answered, and started brushing Triumph again.

As I turned my back to him Edward grabbed my shoulder and spun me around and stared at me intensely in the eyes. "Esme...I'm sorry about last night...I didn't mean for..."

No sooner had he uttered those words than his lips were on mine. He gently kissed my lips, cupping my cheeks with his hands. I kissed him back. I admit it. There was no way I would turn him away for the second time. I was a woman with needs and right now, Edward was the only one that I could see fulfilling them.

He broke the kiss and said, "I haven't been able to stop thinking about that kiss I gave you last night. And I admit it. I want more."

He moved my hair away and gently kissed me on the neck. He whispered, "Are you okay with this?"

All I could do was nod my head and softly moan. I knew that if I was going to get in deep I might as well go for it all. Edward kissed my lips with a passion I hadn't felt for a long time. He slowly lifted my shirt off and felt my skin underneath it.

"Oh sweet Esme, you are so beautiful, more beautiful then I ever imagined."

Running his hands up and down my back I knew I had to take off his shirt too. I pulled his shirt over his head and was of awe of his beauty. You could tell Edward took care of himself with the way his chest looked right now, I thought I died again and went to heaven.

I knew we probably wouldn't get past just taking off our shirts today. I know that this was way more than I was already willing to handle. But feeling his skin against mine was enough for me to know that I didn't want to stop this affair between us anytime soon. I knew life had changed last night and now I would have to deal with the sneaking around until I could figure out what we were going to do.

After the intense kissing, I broke the kiss and said to Edward, "So how about that rematch? I wonder if I will win again today?"

Edward grabbed my shirt of the stable floor and shook the straw off of it and then threw it at me. "You better get dressed, Esme," he said with a smile. "I hope you have some luck today because you'll need it."


	6. Chapter 6: Thinking

_**Chapter 6: Thinking  
**_

The rematch with Edward was amazing. It was more like a teasing match between the two of us. I am sure he let me win once again but it didn't really matter. As long as I was outside with him I didn't care what we were doing. I had a permanent smile on my face and I swear I was floating.

I kept remembering the tone of his voice and how he would say my name. He was just exactly what I needed right now. I just hoped that I could make it until tomorrow when he promised we could go for a ride to the river.

Carlisle never even noticed that I had a smile on my face when he got home that night. He always walked in at 2 or 3 a.m. Of course, in our world time really never mattered much. I liked the night time the best anyways. It's when everything was quiet and calm. Humans would be sleeping and I could be free to move around and think in peace. I never got a chance to do that during the day when all the kids were always in and out of the house.

I walked down the stairs in the house not really expecting anyone to be around since Emmett and Rose were always out, Jasper and Alice you could never hear around and Bella and Edward had their own cottage. But then I saw him sitting on my couch flipping through the channels on the television. It was Edward. He looked like he couldn't find anything to watch and it showed. I could even hear him mumbling swear words under his breath. I just stood back and watched him.

"Esme, I know you are standing behind me." Edward said.

"I know. I just didn't want to disturb you." I said looking down at my feet.

"Will you please come sit by me? I came here to see you. Bella is off hunting so I was at home alone, thinking." He patted a spot next to him on the couch.

I went and sat down next to him, and he grabbed my hand right away and started to rub the top of it with his thumb. "I can't believe I'm going to admit this but I missed you. I just had to see you before tomorrow."

"I'm glad you stopped by. I was thinking about you too." I said with a smile. I took his hand and held it.

He got up from the couch and kissed me on the cheek, just in case anyone saw us or walked in no one would know that there was anything going on. He let the kiss linger and then whispered in my ear, "I can't wait until tomorrow." And then he disappeared just as fast as he had arrived.

The thoughts he left me with were intense. All I could do was just sit on my hands and think about what would happen tomorrow. I was craving to touch his skin, have his lips against mine again, to hear him whisper in my ear. There was something about his voice and his touch that made the world disappear.

I just decided I would stay on the couch and not go anywhere just in case I gave myself away. I knew that the next little while would be a bit crazy, and I didn't even know what I would do if I saw Bella eye to eye. She would rip me to shreds if she knew what was going on. And what about Carlisle? He had changed me just for him. He would be shattered.

Edward had always been Bella's and I had always been Carlisle's...until now.


	7. Chapter 7: Not Alone

_**Chapter 7: Not Alone**_

I didn't know how I could do it. There was no way that I would be able to keep this away from any one in this family. I wanted to tell the whole world that I was smitten and if there was a cure for it I didn't want to know it. I know that today when I went to the river with Edward there would be things done that I wouldn't be able to take back But the real question is, would I want to take it back? Would I regret it and then confess to everyone and tell them? I didn't want this time alone with Edward to end. There was no way that I could survive if I lost him too.

Carlisle came into the bedroom to ask me how I was doing today, I couldn't believe that he had actually noticed me for once. I just told him I was okay and that I had some time planned at the stables later today.

"Darling, are you okay, really okay?" Carlisle asked me while stroking my hair.

I gasped, "Yes, I am Carlisle. I've been so lonely without you here. I don't know what to do with all the time I have on my hands while you are gone."

"I'm so sorry love. I would really like to take some time off and spend it with you," Carlisle said.

"It's okay if you can't you know, I've started a new project, and I'm sure it will keep my busy for weeks." I told him.

"You bought another house, love? That is wonderful. I can't wait to see it," Carlisle smiled at the prospect.

"Well, no, I am working out at the stables. Learning to race. Edward is teaching me. And I'm enjoying the lessons."

"Is that something you might want to do to actually compete?" Carlisle asked.

"I'm not sure. But I do love the feeling of the wind in my hair. And being competitive. There's nothing like it when you actually win the race."

Carlisle came over to me and moved the hair from my neck and kissed me. I cringed.

"Esme, you don't want me to touch you? This is the first time since we have been married that you don't want me near you. What's going on?"

"Nothing darling," I said back to Carlisle. "It's just I'm afraid that I'll get so excited that you are paying attention and work will take you away. My heart can't take it anymore. I want you to be around all the time and not just when it's convenient for you."

I turned away from him and I just hoped he would leave the room. This discussion was taking up my time to think about Edward. Those thoughts were the only thing that kept me sane, without Edward who knows what I would be doing right now...probably wallowing in the hurt. Carlisle left the room closing the door behind him.

I was glad for the peace in the moment so I could think about Edward. That's all I wanted to think about. Was Edward my future now?


	8. Chapter 8: Hopeful

_**Chapter 8: Hopeful**_

I took my time getting to the stables the next day. I was still trying to figure out what my next move might be. I loved Carlisle so much but even last night he was so distracted and he didn't even notice that I was lying to him. There had to be some way that he was exhausted. Or he was distracted with something himself. Maybe I wasn't the only one to be leaning on someone else. Carlisle was always talking to the nurse at the hospital on the phone in such a sweet voice. The voice that she used to hear when he talked to her. But there was no way that he would ever cheat on her. Realizing what she was just thinking she knew that there was no way that she would ever cheat on Carlisle either. That was … until now.

Opening the stable door she saw that Edward had already been there and had both of the horses were saddled up and was waiting. He came over to and wrapping his arms around her waist he kissed her on the lips lightly. "Good morning Es. I'm glad you made it here safely. And of course, you wouldn't with me around." He winked and handed her the reigns for Sky.

After Edward broke the kiss all she could do was bite her lip. I knew she was doomed. This would end up so wrong it would be right. Leading Triumph out of the stable I got in the saddle. Edward was being slow so she had to call out to him and tease him of course.

"Come on Ed, let's get going Triumph wants to go in the water today. She's so dusty from all of our racing."

"Esme, I'm on my way. Don't you worry if you get ahead of me I can always catch you."

Tapping Triumph lightly with her foot and clicking Trimph took off running. "I'd like to see you try!"

I took the short path to the river. She hoped that Edward wouldn't follow and she would beat him there. Even though he was probably the one that made this path. Laughing to herself she tried not to lose her concentration on the race to the river.

She finally rounded the corner to see Triumph tied up and Edward were no where to be seen. There was no way he could have got the river before she did. He had to have flown...and the last time she checked that wasn't one of his powers. She heard a splash in the water and saw Edward surface with a wide smile.

"What took you so long? I have been able to do at least two laps." He smiled as he got out of the water and come towards her. He ran a hand through his hair and shook the water out of his hair. It was all in slow motion to me. I never thought of Ed more than my son for all these years. It was weird to see him and think that he was what I wanted now.

Ed walked up to her slowly and ran a hand down her body looking at her in the eyes. "I don't know what to say Esme." He put a finger under her chin and kissed her lightly on the lips. I wrapped my arms around his neck pulling him closer to me and kissed back harder. I thought if I was going to hell I might as well get there right.

I pulled away from the kiss and running a finger down his jaw I said, "Ed, are you sure you want to do this?"

"I have never been so sure about something in my whole life. I realized I was looking in all the wrong places. I should have been looking for you the whole time." Ed said holding me tight against him . Breaking the embrace he took my hand and led me to the water and started to undress me.

"Esme. Please...be mine?"

All I could do is nod my head and let him undress me. I would be his. At least for this moment. And later? I would let reality set in then. For now all I could think about was Ed and me.


End file.
